


goodnight & i love you

by farquaad



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Arguing, Coffee, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Introspection, Lack of Communication, M/M, Making Up, Misunderstandings, They work it out though, post-coming out feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-07
Updated: 2019-09-07
Packaged: 2020-10-12 00:57:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20555576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/farquaad/pseuds/farquaad
Summary: Sharing a cup of coffee. Or, the morning after a fight.





	goodnight & i love you

**Author's Note:**

> I came up with a prompt ask game on Tumblr and someone sent in the prompt "sharing a cup of coffee" so I wrote this! I let myself get wayyy to carried away with this prompt though lmao. It’s like 90% hurt/comfort and introspection, 9% misused italics and 1% coffee. oops.
> 
> [Here](https://farquaadphillywrites.tumblr.com/post/187545504110/writing-prompts-sharing-food-clothes-earbuds) is the ask game post if you're interested. I'm always taking prompts on Tumblr, ask game or not, so if you have anything you'd like me to write, hit me up over there!
> 
> Also, I use the q word to describe Dan's sexuality since that's how he described it himself. I also used it in reference to "q---r culture" so if that bothers you, maybe don't read this one. It's only used as a reclaimed word in this fic and is not weaponized against anyone.

Phil was up before Dan.

This wasn’t particularly unusual, especially considering that Phil had fallen asleep long before Dan, but it was strange for Phil to be up this _early. _It was barely 8:00, and after the long night he had, his body felt stiff and unrested.

He was a bit surprised to see Dan curled up next to him, though he supposed he shouldn’t be. They hadn’t slept in separate beds after a fight in... a long time. After various tours where they were forced to sleep apart, they vowed never to take the simple luxury for granted. Ever.

And if he had _actually _wanted the time alone, he wouldn’t have fallen asleep under monochrome sheets.

Phil tried his best to be quiet when he got out of bed. It didn’t really matter since Dan was a heavy sleeper and was well used to snoozing through Phil’s clumsy movements around the flat, but Phil didn’t want Dan to see him like this, all groggy and heavy-limbed and snappy and short-tempered before he’d had his first cup of coffee.

It was too soon after their fight for that, and Dan deserved better.

So Phil slipped his glasses on and tip-toed his way across the room in a thin t-shirt and emoji pyjamas, willing his achy joints to be quiet for just a few more moments.

He gave one last glance toward his boyfriend wrapped in his NASA cat shirt and comfy sheets before opening the bedroom door and heading out toward the kitchen.

\---

Dan awoke to an empty bed, which startled his drowsy brain.

His slight panic faded, though, when he smelt freshly brewed coffee. That meant Phil wasn’t still mad at him.

They went to sleep without saying goodnight or I love you, but that was mostly Dan’s fault. Phil was the first one to trod off to bed but Dan was the one who dismissively told him he should go get some rest and didn’t come join him in bed until he knew Phil would already be fast asleep.

Dan rubbed the sleep from his eyes and stretched his arms above his head. It was chilly in the room without Phil’s arms wrapped around him. Part of Dan’s mind tried to convince him to crawl back under the warm covers and sleep off the stress from last night for just a few more minutes, but all Dan really wanted to do was find Phil.

He swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood up. He stretched a bit more - he had promised himself weeks ago that he would start trying to fix his posture - but didn’t bother to pull a pair of sweatpants over his bare legs before leaving the bedroom to seek out Phil.

When he got to the entrance to the kitchen, Dan lingered undetected in the hallway for a minute, watching the light from Phil’s phone reflect off his glasses as he scrolled through social media at the kitchen table.

He took a minute to collect his thoughts before stepping further into the light of the kitchen, making himself known. 

“Hey,” Phil said, pressing the power button on his phone and setting it on the table. His voice was scratchy and a bit muffled, the way it gets whenever Phil hasn’t blown his nose after he’s cried. The realization that Phil had _cried_ after he left for bed last night made Dan’s heart twist in pain, but he didn’t let it show on his face. This wasn’t _about _him. He owed Phil an apology, first and foremost.

“Hey,” Dan said. He moved to sit across from Phil. “I’m sorry I was an asshole.”

“You weren’t,” Phil said softly.

“I was. You’re allowed to say it. I was being an asshole.”

“You weren’t an _asshole_, Dan. You were just scared. And taken off guard. It’s okay, it happens to everyone.”

Dan huffed out a breath. He was getting frustrated again, mostly at himself. “I should have known.”

“You couldn’t have,” Phil replied instantly. Dan was jealous of how he was able to keep his voice so steady and reassuring, even on mornings like this one.

Phil continued, “There’s no way you could have known, not when I was actively trying to pretend like everything was okay when it wasn’t. I shouldn’t have let it build up like that. We both did things wrong, Dan.”

When he was done speaking, Phil nudged his coffee cup toward Dan. Before Dan even picked it up, he knew it was going to be too sweet for his liking since Phil always loaded his coffee up with sugar, but he took a sip anyway because he knew what this really was. It was partly Phil’s way of telling Dan to stop talking about this, and partly a peace offering. Dan was more than ready to accept both of these things.

Even though the coffee was much too sugary, Dan still relished in the way it warmed him to his core. When he put the coffee back down on the table, Phil’s fingers brushed over his. Dan looked down at where Phil’s hand connected with his own on top of the warm mug, then glanced back up and locked eyes with Phil.

His blue eyes were filled with so much tension and worry, it made Dan’s heart pang again. As much as Dan needed reassurance from Phil, Dan realized that Phil also needed reassurance from him. So he gave Phil a small nod. A silent_ we’re okay._

Phil’s foot brushed against Dan’s calf under the table. Dan’s leg hair had pretty much grown back from when he’d shaved it in Nevada.

That had been an interesting new experience for Dan. Both the trip and the shaving part. He felt so invigorated to finally be _out, _to finally feel free enough to express that however he wanted, to be able to grab Phil by the front of his shirt and kiss him right in the middle of the desert because there were no prying eyes to stop him.

It was like a breath of fresh air for Dan and he was excited to fully embrace himself as the queer man he was and to fully submerge himself in the culture that came with that - whether that meant being in a pride parade or shaving his legs or following drag queens on twitter.

Phil wasn’t the same.

He was much more casual about his sexuality, and that showed in every aspect of the way he talked about it. He wasn’t as interested in diving head-first into queer culture the way Dan was, but he would willingly stay up late and listen to him blither on about it until the early hours of the morning.

Phil’s nonchalance about his own sexuality sometimes made Dan forget that Phil’s journey with his sexuality wasn’t easy. That he had his own ups and downs with it, his own scary moments and tear-filled nights. 

Phil had plenty of wounds. Sometimes they still stung.

While it was cathartic for Dan to celebrate the wonderful parts of queer culture that blossomed after years of oppression and hate, for Phil, the constant reminder of the ongoing battle LGBTQ+ people had to face could sometimes, well...

It wasn’t that Dan was _trying _to push Phil. He wouldn’t do that, not about this. He just oftentimes got himself so deep in a topic wanting to experience everything it had to offer that sometimes his judgement got a bit clouded.

He didn’t realize that it would be so intense for Phil. That it would reopen doors to memories Phil was glad to have closed.

That Dan would cross a line without even realizing it.

Seeing Phil get hurt and knowing that _he _played a part in it only made Dan get scared and defensive. And nothing good ever came from that.

Phil smiled fondly from where he sat across from Dan, a knowing look in his eye at the fact that he had caught Dan spiralling in thought again.

“I should tell you something,” Dan blurted out as if he was just now realizing it himself.

“Hmm?”

“Goodnight,” Dan said. “And I love you.”

“I love you too,” Phil said slowly, going along with Dan’s antics as usual, but confusion evident in his voice.

“I didn’t say it to last night, so I’m saying it now.”

Phil let out a laugh at that, and Dan swore there had never a greater sound on Earth than that.

**Author's Note:**

> Every time I write something I realize how repetitive I am and how much I hate my writing style lmaooo. If you did happen to enjoy this, you can click [here](https://farquaadphillywrites.tumblr.com/post/187560914775/sharing-a-cup-of-coffee-or-the-one-about-the) to give it a reblog on Tumblr!


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